Monday, December 26, 2011

Christmas 2011

Our family gathering at Christmas when I was much younger.
The top right picture I'm the one by my brother.
These are all different years, but the bottom right is from '94.

Some more Christmas gatherings.
The top right I'm the one in the blue shirt.

This Christmas had to be one of the better ones I've had in a long time, and for me to say that it's true. I can't really think of the last Christmas I had that I actually enjoyed. I'm guessing it was one where my family was actually together (mom, dad, my brother and I) in the same house. The house totally decorated, tree, lights, presents under the tree, and we would sit down Christmas Eve open one present  and enjoy the time we had. Then we'd go to sleep, and "Santa" would bring us other gifts, our stockings would be filled, and we'd wake up earlier then normal and just dive in. Those are the Christmas' I remember the most. 

For the past 13 years though it hasn't really matter all that much to me. I mean why should it, a broken family isn't something to celebrate, and each year it just reminded me that my family wouldn't be the same. I know that sounds really shallow, and that's not what Christmas is about. Family was one thing I could count on, and when that got messed up I felt I had nothing. Yes, I was a depressed child.

Okay, maybe I've had a few somewhat decent Christmas' in that time frame, but it wasn't the same. Most Christmas' I've spent with my friends. (I'm not complaining though. If it weren't for Aubrey they really would have sucked.) 

So why was this Christmas different?
Easy! I got to spend it with someone special. :) I honestly just thought okay, I'll just meet his family Sunday and that'll be that. I actually spent the whole weekend with them. It was kind funny he gave me 3 options. I could meet them Saturday, I could meet them Sunday, or I could Come over Saturday and stay the night and have Christmas with them Sunday. Needless to say I was a little hesitant. That's definitely not something I would normally do. It's not in my personality. Remember the quite, shy girl  I told you about that is me. I think in order for me to break out of my bubble I need to do things that aren't in my nature so I ended up staying. We ended up watching movies and talking. That's it. :) That's all I needed. Sunday morning comes and I get up at 830am (Guys realize this I'm not a morning person especially on weekends.) I did sleep an hour later then him. Anyways, we watched his niece and nephew open presents. We enjoyed the day. We watched some movies. We watched his nephew play some video games. They played darts. We ate lunch, and by about 430pm or so we decided to take me home so we could go see my dad and step-mom for a while. Around 530 we went over my dads house and visited with them til about 730. I felt bad because Ryan was nervous. After we left there we went over some of Ryan's friends house, and saw some of them. Then it was time for home. :)

That was my Christmas weekend.


This was my surprise gift from Ryan for Christmas. Is it not beautiful? It's funny because when I opened it he told me why he picked it out. One of the times we went out together I think I had told him how it was hard for me to trust people, and open up because of everything that has gone on in my life from my mom leaving back when I was in MS to the most recent problems I've had. He said he hoped that I would be able to open my heart to him. Aww, how sweet is that? I'm such a sucker for that kind of thing. Then I also got some perfume and stuff from his mom. :)

This would be our first picture together. (His Chihuahua Ginger was with us. lol) His mom took this Saturday night. I hate my pictures taken, but apparently they love taken pictures so I was in a few. This is one that he gave me though. :)

Sunday, December 18, 2011

Never in a million years

I know overly-dramatic much? You guys believe when I say that I never... never thought something like this would happen. If you haven't realized by now from my about me or whatever I'm 25 okay. I've never actually had something I would call a date. I think it's the shyness I have, or  that could just be an excuse. I feel kind of like Drew Barrymore in Never been kissed. Actually, I feel a lot like her. In more ways then I can count. I've joked with a few friends of mine how I'm gonna be the one who is 80 something years old with 100 cats, and that's about it. Then I look back over the past few weeks, and maybe, just maybe I'll grow to be someone else. Sure, I'll still be that old lady, but perhaps I'll have the life that most every little girl dreams about you know the one I'm talking about right? The family, the house, the husband. I'm not saying that it will happen now, but just this little bit gives me hope that maybe I'm not doomed to a life I thought I was, that life where I'm alone forever. It's kind of heartbreaking for me to even type something like that, but that is truly how I've felt all my life. That I would be alone forever. That I wouldn't find that one person who makes me feel like I'm worth something, the one person who could complete me. Sorry, I read way to many YA books.

I will say this though for the time being I'm completely happy with the way things are going. It's nice to feel wanted, loved, worth any amount of time.

Monday, December 12, 2011

Life in general

So when life sucks or when it completely, totally rocks I will gladly let you know.

The not so happy me:
When life gives you lemons!
Nowhere to call home.

I'll deal with it sort of happy:
Dress not my forte.
Once...twice...two times is enough

Life has those happy days every once in awhile:
A Christmas worth remembering
Good things do happen.
Stepping out of my bubble.
Phone calls, Books, a few things that make me happy

Work rants

I have to say I'm sure everyone has those days at work you just want to storm out and not go back, but alas you have to because you need the money.

Here's the way I deal with that: Rant!

I scream, you scream, I scream louder.

Good things can happen!

 It's time I have a little good happen to me right?
The rose he gave me at work. :)

As bitchy as I've sounded the past few times I've made a post, or what not things have seemingly become better (not with the whole home situation) but with different things in my life. I posted a few weeks ago where I finally stepped out of my secure bubble (metaphorically speaking of course) and I went out with a guy and we saw a movie and had dinner. I had fun and it was nice.

So this past weekend I went out with him again. When he showed up he had a little stuffed dog for me in the passenger seat. How freaking sweet is that? (My stuffed Dog, Rae, to the right) You have to realize that this kind of stuff never happens for me, and it was something new to me so I was thrilled. I know it sounds goofy, but come on guys a stuffed animal. I love animals and I may be 25, but stuffed animals are always fun to get. I still have my beanie baby collection, and a few stuffed tigers and other things.  We went to dinner and talked about work (we work at the same place so it's nice that we understand each others work) and our life in general. That's something that I usually don't do with people unless of course you already know what's going on or you know what my family is like. Very few people get to know what my life is actually like. So being able to open up about things was nice. He had to work and they wanted him to stay later (Why I don't know because we close at 6.) He's like nope I can't. They said is it because you have a date? He told them maybe I do. When he told me that it made me feel a little better because I honestly didn't know what to call it. I know I'm stupid we will leave it at that. :P Anyways, after dinner we went and saw The Sitter, and after that he asked if I wanted to meet a few of his friends, go over their house and watch another movie and hang out. I said sure so we ended going over to his friends place and stayed there until about 4am. Poor guy had to be at work Sunday at 12. Anyways, we're actually suppose to go out this coming weekend to see the new Sherlock Holmes movie. (I love me some Robert Downey Jr.) I'm pretty excited.

Oh, he came to work today and before I left he gave me the rose that I have pictured above. You guys seriously have no idea how speechless I am. (okay, so maybe I'm not speechless here, but you get the idea)

Sunday, December 11, 2011

Movie review:: The Sitter (2011)

Movie: The Sitter

Brian Gatewood, Alessandro Tanaka

Jonah Hill Jonah Hill ...
Noah Griffith
Max Records Max Records ...
Ari Graynor Ari Graynor ...
Marisa Lewis
J.B. Smoove J.B. Smoove ...
Sam Rockwell Sam Rockwell ...
Landry Bender Landry Bender ...
Kevin Hernandez Kevin Hernandez ...
Kylie Bunbury Kylie Bunbury ...
Erin Daniels Erin Daniels ...
Mrs. Pedulla
D.W. Moffett D.W. Moffett ...
Dr. Pedulla
Jessica Hecht Jessica Hecht ...
Sandy Griffith
Bruce Altman Bruce Altman ...
Jim Griffith
Method Man Method Man ...
Jacolby (as Cliff 'Method Man' Smith)
Sean Patrick Doyle Sean Patrick Doyle ...
Alex Wolff Alex Wolff ...
A comedy about a college student on suspension who is coaxed into babysitting the kids next door, though he is fully unprepared for the wild night ahead of him. 
I went to see this last night without any idea of what it was really about. The guy I went out with wanted to see it so I was like why not. I thought it would be stupid just because alot of the movies Jonah Hill plays in are kinda of, and yes this one was a little ridiculous I found that as it went on that it got a little better, and I adored the kids that were in it. I had a feeling somethin was going on with slater. ( he was an adorable kid) When Noah sat down and had a talk with him I was like that is sweet. Like I said as the movie went on Noah's softer side seemed to come out, and he begin to like the kids. Boy, the things he and those kids went through though.
All in all it was an ok movie I would recommend seeing it, but I would wait until it came out on DVD.

Nowhere to call home

It amazes me that for someone who doesn't do anything to anybody and has been nothing, but nice and supportive and helps people out when they're in the dumps that I could be treated like total shit. When we're through with you will just kick you out, and you can find somewhere else to go. (Problem with this is I have nowhere to go.) Just when you think things start to look up someone pulls that rug from underneath you and you fall on your ass. By the way, it's not a good feeling, and I can only hope that you never have to have that feeling. (Okay, maybe in a way I do, but I'm a little bitter about it.)

The worse part about this is I'm being made out like the bad guy here. You all have a family so you should get the special treatment is that right? I'm just one, single person so I should be able to make it with what little I have compared to your two incomes, and other things you all get for free. How does that seem right? Yes, maybe, I sound a little bitchy. Maybe, I'm being unfair, but you know what I have that right just as much as anyone else. I'm sorry, but I'm the one who got the raw end of this deal. Still I tried to be a better person. I haven't lived now in the house since the middle of November yet, I paid you rent for December because again everyone made me feel guilty, made me out to be a bad person because I didn't give notice. And you're wondering why I'm mad? Why I'm holding this grudge? I don't mind paying some maybe even half since my stuff is still in the room, but all of it. I'm sorry that in my opinion was wrong. Yes, maybe in the near future I can forgive and forget. (You're family after all.) For now, I'm still pissed, and don't think that will change anytime real soon.

You see it as being okay because hell I can just go live with mom and her husband or dad and his wife. News flash I was trying to get away from that. I didn't want to do that. So basically I have nowhere to call home because these homes belong to them.