Wednesday, June 13, 2012

That helpless feeling

This should be the happiest time of my life right now (I got engaged and I have an awesome fiance), yet this week I've just felt helpless. Maybe, I shouldn't take things to heart so much, but when I can't be that girlfriend (fiance) I want to be then I feel like crap. I want to be able to be able to cook for him, and just be a good person and take care of him. I think my problem is though I was always use to living on my own and taking care of me. I knew the kind of things I liked. I knew what food I could buy and enjoy, and if it turned out like crap I was fine with it because I was the only one who had to worry about it. Now living with Ryan, I also think about what he likes when I go buy groceries (and let me tell you hes a bit picky. I still love him though and I've learned some stuff that he likes) so the things I like aren't necessarily what he likes. If I mess up cooking something then what? I feel like a complete failure...that's what.

I think what has me feeling like this is seeing posts that he makes on FB and then seeing how his friends respond "I feel so bad for you. lol. Ill help you cook. smh...i already taught you how to do laundry, I may as well do the whole wife/mother shebang" This just made me feel like I can't do anything right by him. I understand that his friends care about him and want to help. Maybe, I'm letting things get to me that I shouldn't, but to know me is to understand I take what people say personally.

This is probably just all my crazy emotion and hormones acting up right now because of the time of month it is, but still it's not fun to feel this way.