crying so much my head hurts

Well, the past week or 2 have been some of the worse weeks this year for me. Today, though was THE WORSE I had noticed a few days ago that my dog was "missing" and I thought he had jumped at a window or something. Not something I want to talk about now, but FYI he passed away. I have this feeling  that maybe his seizures he had a few months ago have something to do with it. It's weird though I found out today, and last night I had a dream that he was alive. I was playing with him, and he was happy, fine. Some dream that turned out to be.


Maybe by Sick Puppies-
Maybe I'm a dreamer
Maybe I'm misunderstood
Maybe you're not seeing the side of me you should
Maybe I'm crazy
(Maybe I'm crazy)
Maybe I'm the only one
(Maybe I'm the only one)
Maybe I'm just out of touch
Maybe I've just had enough

Maybe it's time to change
And leave it all behind
I've never been one to walk alone
I've always been scared to try
So why does it feel so wrong
To reach for something more
To wanna live a better life
What am I waiting for?
'Cause nothing stays the same
Maybe it's time to change

Maybe it's hopeless
(Maybe it's hopeless)
Maybe I should just give up
(Maybe I should just give up)
What if I can't trust myself?
What if I just need some help?

Maybe it's time to change
And leave it all behind
I've never been one to walk alone
I've always been scared to try
So why does it feel so wrong
To reach for something more
To wanna live a better life
What am I waiting for?
'Cause nothing stays the same
Maybe it's time to change

And maybe it's time to change
And leave it all behind
I've never been one to walk alone
I've always been scared to try

And maybe it's time to change
And leave it all behind
I've never been one to walk alone
I've always been scared to try
So why does it feel so wrong
To reach for something more
To wanna live a better life
What am I waiting for?
'Cause nothing stays the same
Maybe it's time to change
'Cause nothing stays the same
Maybe it's time to change

I heard this song te other day, and it fit perfect with the way my mood has been lately, and what with all the shit i've been going through . Maybe, a change wouldn't be so bad. California sounds like a really good place to go right now. I have a friend that lives there whose been trying her hardest to get me to live with her. it would definitely be a change. Who knows maybe for the better?

Ashley

Things just seem to get better..NOT!

Seriously, this month keeps getting worse. I'm totally to blame here because I'm the dumbass who apparently thought I had gotten oil put in my car when I got it inspected, but I didn't. The result of this my engine fucking broke or froze over. Now I do not have a car and no money to get a car. So yeah everything sucks right now. I hate the holidays and everything else.  So note to everyone (or perhaps I'm the only retard) CARS apparently need OIL. Make sure you pay attention to the little lights. *growls*

I swear if it's not one thing with me it's another. I guess in a way it's good because no car=no getting stopped by police for outdated stuff and no going to jail for other tickets.

Thank you that is all!

Hush, Hush Becca Fitzpatrick Book Trailer

So...life

I have been in this really bad funk lately (I don't know why) with the way my life, and other stuff is going. I'm not happy with anything. I mean I do like my job. It's just I sit and see the way other peoples lives are going (or not going for that matter) and I wish I could make myself change. I don't want to be stuck somewhere just because it's easy, and it's my "comfort zone." I keep thinking I want to change go back to school (for what I'm not sure) I mean I thought about going back for English because it seems like right now that's what has my attention. You know reading, trying to write that kind of thing.

I just had to type that out. Sorry a small rambling.

Bad days.

I'm telling I'm not having a very good week right now. Let's just start off by saying that Monday I had to work right...well two people call in one that was suppose to work in the morning with me and then one that was suppose to work at night. I'm sorry but I come to work feeling shitty almost all the time. Sides killing me, congested, feeling like I'm going barf. Do I ever call in? No because I know how much of a hassle it is for my co-workers. Don't get me wrong I'm not saying come to work deathly ill, but when you make it a habit to do it. It gets a little old. I'm also sure that unless your husband is dying (he's wasn't by the way) that calling in for that reason is stupid. So let's just say that in itself really pissed me off especially on a Monday in a Pharmacy. So be it that I was already in a bad mood why would someone (our pharmacist) sit there and tell the two of us that showed up that we weren't going fast enough and that he'd rather have his other tech that can "do everything" here. Let me see what's wrong with this picture. One: the tech his refering to isn't as good as he thinks she is she leaves things just like the rest of us do. Two: I DO NOT like being compared to other people or co-workers at all. I'm sorry I do things my way. The way that works best for me not anyone else. I must say it's worked for me for the past 5 years I've done it. Three: DO NOT in any way think after you've treated me like crap for the past 8 hours that I'm going to stick around and help you because you need it. You're right I won't "take one for the team" if after  everything I did do gets put down. Whatever! Maybe I should've stayed and helped, but I was to much in a pissy mood to try and be nice to people and I think I showed.

Then today one of the same people that called in yesterday and was suppose to come in this morning again with me wasn't there when I showed up at 9. Our other pharmacist (god bless her) worked for an hour by herself. The girl called in because she felt bad today had a headache...a headache.. I work with freakin' headaches all the time like yesterday! I know I'm being a little bitchy right now. I'm just tired of it.

Peace, Love, Hate N Whatnot!
Ash

People are idiots!

People are idiots! I know I don't have kids so I shouldn't be concerned really, but it really irritates me to see that some parents don't seem to care that they're putting the childrens lives at risk by some of the things they do. I had a customer today come through the driv thru this morning, and I get over to the window and she has her toddler sitting on her lap in the drivers seat. WTF? Not only that but she's talking on the phone which by now you probably know I can't stand. So she's not really wathcin her kid who is honking the horn and kinda hanging out the window. Then I preceed to give her what she came for and she sets the toddler on the passenger seat no belt, no car seat, and leaves. Really? Sorry had to get that off my chest.

Not any better..

Yeah so remember how I said I hoped today would be better. Yeah, it wasn't I would like to work with people actually capable of doing more than just one thing at a time.  Perhaps telling a customer will be right with you while your doing something else. I don't know I just get so pissed at my co-workers sometimes I guess it doesn't really help though.  They only do the best they can.

So my pups bloodwork came back ok today, which means nothing really caused the seizures.  So the vet diagnosed him as being epileptic (sp). Now he'll be on meds. :(

In better news I'm totally off this weekend so I will be reading if I can, writing (ha my partner in crime told me I had to finish chpt 2 soon) and I'll probably also be doing laundry and helping my brother at his work (I'm such a nice sister I  don't even get paid for it), and that's about it. So I may or may not be writing for a few days. Who knows...

Happy Reading and blogging :)
Ash (AngelicNytmare)