Once..Twice..Two times is enough

Today, is not a rant, or a bitchy post at all I promise. It's a happy post. I know totally not me right?

So today my mom had her wedding, and I was believe it or not very happy for her. She deserves happiness, and if this is how she gets it then I'm 100% supportive. Although, it was not a major wedding (and some people that should have been there weren't) It was good, and I think the people that matter most to the bride and groom were there. :)

So here are the pictures taken.

That is the extent of the picture taking I did
The people in the pictures are Tr (groom), Emily (bride my mom), The three guys are Tr and his brothers, Mom's Stepdad, Cousins, Uncle,  Cousins kids, Amy, (brides sister),

When life gives you lemons..

The picture above has absolutely nothing to do with my post, but I liked it. -shrugs-

So it goes when life gives you lemon...make lemonade right? Well that would take to much fuckin time. Get a cup,squeeze the lemons, fill the cup with water, put sugar in the cup (otherwise you'll have some sour ass water), and stir. Waste time much?  I'd much rather.....

 I know I'm nice right?
I guess I'm just a little irritated. I shouldn't be because I completely understand where they're coming from (and if y'all read this. Here's what I think...) I know I said I wasn't mad, and I'm not mad at y'all just at the situation you're now leaving me in. Try to step in my shoes. I'm by myself. I'm not married, the job I do have doesn't pay all that great. (I know it's a job so stop complaining) My credit is pretty much fucked from my last apt I did have. (which by the way I fucked up the payments with them because I moved in with y'all early) so now I'm left with very limited options here. Those being: Move in with mom (who is getting married today I guess because it's past midnight.) Possibly move in with Dad/and his wife (who live almost an hour away from here and my job and everyone else.) Yeah, that's pretty much all I got. It's funny how when everything starts going semi-decent something always, and I mean ALWAYS finds away to mess it up.

a

I guess what I don't understand is why would you want to move back into a smaller duplex/apt with limited space and practically no backyard or garage when you have it very nice here. A nice big backyard for the kids to play in (swingset and pool included) a garage to put your cars during our Texas weather. I help pay rent, electric/water (which in return saves some money for you) What's worse is I barely come out of my room. I don't bother y'all. I'm quite content in my room, and you have the whole rest of the house to do whatever. Never once have I complained about having to share a bathroom or the kids screaming or whatever. It doesn't bother me. I'm fine. I was happy, and now you want to ruin it. Family isn't suppose to do that. I guess I should be completely use to it by now though. Huh? Everyone at some point is going to disappointment, and now it's your turn. Thanks for making feel like an idiot for trusting you and believing you would be different then our parents. Mom leaves us back in my middle school years for god only knows. That left you, me, and dad. You get married and have a family. That leaves me and Dad for awhile which was awesome. We did things together we were a family.Then Dad decides being married and having (a psychopathic 2nd wife) is more important, and doesn't want to believe me. That now leaves you and me. Then he divorces a little later and sells our home which I grew to love. That leaves me to go where? Nebraska. That was my only choice. I had to get away from everyone. Be on my own away from the people who emotionally hurt me. (Did you know that about me? I bet not.) I come back a month later realizing that maybe it wasn't the smartest thing to do, and maybe family does mean something to me. (Again, I have myself to blame) Dad finally gets married a third time which isn't bad. He seems happy. I'm happy he's happy. Now I feel like it's you and me in this family. Okay, fine mom is back, and I still have my brother. I think that living with you and your family will help us all financially. Was I not right? Now what? You don't need me, my help. Issues! I have plenty of them and not a one I want.

  I don't think anyone fully understands how I work, how I feel, how totally fucked up things actually are for me, how my mind takes things and twists them, and it sucks. Would I actually tell y'all? No, because that's not me. I feel better writing. Letting my words on here express how I truly feel, and how I truly am. This is why trusting anyone (family) is not a good idea. This is why I keep things to myself. This is why no one truly knows how I feel. (The only people that will ever know are people who have never met me. These are the people I open up to, and if you read this then I hope you know who you are.) Life is a game and I'm merely it's pawn.

I scream, You Scream, and I scream at you

Have you ever had one of those days...no one of those weeks where you feel like you do everything, and yet somehow that's not enough for people? I admit I have days where I probably don't do as much as I should at work, but at least I show up right? I get very, VERY irritated when people call in. I'm sorry that's me, and I have a very low tolerance for that kind of crap. I know people can't help if they get sick. The lady did come in for a few hours. I applaud her on that, but left a little while later. You're sick okay...whatever. It just puts us in a very bad spot. What can you do though?

So let's take Wed for example: A Coworker was suppose to be at work at 3 they called at 330 saying that they couldn't make it because their car was in the shop. First problem- He called 30 minutes after he was suppose to be there. Second- We already had one person out, and we were busier then hell. Third-  FIND SOMEBODY TO BRING YOU! My Pharmacist was on the phone with him, and when I heard him talking about how somebody was calling in I turned around and straight up said he's not calling in tell him to find a ride. We're already short-handed  he's not gonna do it. FIND A RIDE! Before you all think oh she's being a bitch (which I might have been. I had been then there since 8 that morning, no break, hungry, head hurting, and no one helping me. Not to mention our DM was there and had one of our techs with him talking about stuff that could have waited til oh say we weren't busy. That's another story for in a minute.) Technically, I'm above them so yeah I kind of have a right to say that. He did eventually get there. I appreciate that, and I told him. So on to my DM guy. He gets to our store, and right away pulls one of our techs over to go over stuff that at that point in time could have waited. I'm sorry, but when it was just me and her (and another lady that doesn't do to much) trying to fill scripts, type scripts, get waiters out, ring people up who were in the store and in drive-thru, answer the never ending phone calls. I don't really have patience for you taking the one person that was  helping me do all the above, and talk to her for a good 2 hours on crap that didn't matter right then and there. Let me see...let's help the sick customers who want to get home quick because they feel like crap (I know I did and I wasn't sick), or let's talk about paperwork that can be looked at any time when we're not slammed. Oh, I was pissed. Pissed off me is not a nice me and then I snap at people who don't deserve it. with all that said and done yesterday I still ended up staying almost an hour after I was suppose to leave. Don't tell me I'm a bad worker.

I got home and I just wanted to lock myself in my room and scream.

Then I wake up today, and automatically I'm in a mood for reasons I haven't any clue about. I go over my moms crying because mom's can help cheer you up a little. I was pretty much like that all day long.

This whole week for me has been a complete and total "I want everyone to just go to hell" week. I've been moody, grumpy, weepy, sad, depressed, and probably so many other terrible feelings. Sounds like I just described Ashley Owens and her Dwarfs. :0) I'm beginning to think maybe it wasn't such a good idea to come off my medicine. Stopping cold turkey is not a good idea people, and I think it's just now getting to me.


So maybe Friday will be a better day? Doesn't hurt to try and be optimistic.

Dress shopping so not my forte!

Dress Shopping sucks you guys! Seriously, I haven't worn a dress in I don't know how long, and to be honest I could care less. I'm not much of a dressy person like it is. I think I tried on maybe 4 or 5 dresses before I just picked one. My mom's having a small wedding so hints the reason for a dress. Did I mention I hate dress shopping it always makes me feel more insecure then I normally do. -sigh- I have the 3 pictures because my camera stopped working on me when I tried on the others. Stupid camera! (Don't ask why I had my camera with me. It was in my purse, and I thought why not take pictures.)

Purple and Simple but it didn't fit right. Did I mention I hate dress shopping?
Reject 1

Gray and frilly. My mom liked this one. Sadly, I don't like to many frills.
Reject 2

As you can tell the setting is different meaning this is the one I went with. It's black and gray with a flower on the sleeve area. It worked.
Winner!

In a sky full of lighters...

I absolutely love this song I think the chorus part is what really hooked me because truthfully this one is for you and me living out our dreams. Dreams of one day being a writer. One day being able to say I wrote that, or I'm on the NYT best seller, or even I finally finished that stubborn manuscript that's been haunting me for years.

"Lighters"
(feat. Bruno Mars)

[Bruno Mars:]
This one's for you and me, living out our dreams
We're all right where we should be
With my arms out wide I open my eyes
And now all I wanna see
Is a sky full of lighters
A sky full of lighters

[Eminem:]
By the time you hear this I will have already spiralled up
I would never do nothing to let you cowards fuck my world up
If I was you, I would duck, or get struck like lightening,
Fighters keep fighting, put your lighters up, point em' skyward uh
Had a dream I was king, I woke up, still king...
This rap game's nipple is mine for the milking,
Till nobody else even fucking feels me, till' it kills me
I swear to god I'll be the fucking illest in this music
There is or there ever will be, disagree?
Feel free, but from now on I'm refusing to ever give up
The only thing I ever gave up's using no more excuses
Excuse me if my head is too big for this building
And pardon me if I'm a cocky prick but you cocks are slick
Poppin shit on how you flipped ya life around, crock-o-shit
Who you dicks try to kid, flipped dick, you did the opposite
You stayed the same, cause cock backwards is still cock you pricks
I love it when I tell em shove it
Cause it wasn't that long ago when Marshall sat, flustered, lack lustered
Cause he couldn't cut mustard, muster up nothing
Brain fuzzy, cause he's buzzin', woke up from that buzz
Now you wonder why he does it, how he does it
Wasn't cause he had buzzards circlin' around his head
Waiting for him to drop dead, was it?
Or was it, cause them bitches wrote him off
Little hussy ass, scuzzes, fuck it, guess it doesn't matter now, does it
What difference it make?
What it take to get it through your thick skulls
That this ain't some bullshit
People don't usually come back this way
From a place that was dark as I was in
Just to get to this place
Now let these words be like a switch blade to a haters rib cage
And let it be known from this day forward
I wanna just say thanks cause your hate is what gave me the strength
So let em bic's raise cause I came with 5'9′ but I feel like I'm 6'8″

[Bruno Mars:]
This one's for you and me, living out our dreams
We're all right where we should be
With my arms out wide I open my eyes
And now all I wanna see
Is a sky full of lighters
A sky full of lighters

[Royce Da 5'9":]
By the time you hear this I'll probably already be outtie
I advance like going from toting iron to going and buying 4 or 5 of the homies the iron man Audi
My daddy told me slow down, boy, you goin to blow it
And I ain't gotta stop the beat a minute
To tell Shady I love him the same way that he did Dr Dre on the Chronic
Tell him how real he is or how high I am
Or how I would kill for him for him to know it
I cried plenty tears, my daddy got a bad back
So it's only right that I write till he can march right into that post office and tell em to hang it up
Now his career's Lebron's jersey in 20 years
I'll stop when I'm at the very top
You shitted on me on your way up
It's 'bout to be a scary drop
Cause what goes up must come down
You going down on something you don't wanna see like a hairy box
Every hour, happy hour now
Life is wacky now
Used to have to eat the cat to get the pussy
Now I'm just the cats meooww, ow
Classic cow, always down for the catch weight like Pacquiao
Ya'll are doomed
I remember when T-Pain ain't wanna work with me
My car starts itself, parks itself and autotunes
Cause now I'm in the Aston
I went from having my city locked up
To getting treated like Kwame Kilpatrick
And now I'm fantastic
Compared to a weed high
And y'all niggas just gossipin' like bitches on a radio and TV
See me, we fly
Y'all buggin out like Wendy Williams staring at a bee-hive
And how real is that
I remember signing my first deal and now I'm the second best I can deal with that
Now Bruno can show his ass, without the MTV awards gag

[Bruno Mars:]
You and I know what it's like to be kicked down
Forced to fight
But tonight we're alright
So hold up your light
Let it shine
Cause this one's for you and me, living out our dreams
We're all right where we should be
With my arms out wide I open my eyes
And now all I wanna see
Is a sky full of lighters
A sky full of lighters

The angel in Me

This is all me baby! My name is Ashley I'm a 25 year old from Central Texas who spends way to much time at used bookstores, spends to much money on those books, and not enough time reading them. I've recently become interested in writing a book. Yes, you heard right. I want to write a book. Problem. I can come of with partial story lines and characters, but never put it all together. This is a minor setback. Okay, so maybe it's a major one. One day though I will finish those half-started stories, and even though they may not get published the people who I want to read them and who matter will.

I enjoy talking to myself. Not like a crazy person or, anything although I've been known to at work. Anyways, I love Vlogging, and for those who don't know what that is. It's called googling. I have a few videos on youtube. Most of them are dealing with books so if you have no interest in books then I'm sure you won't find those to your liking

More will be add when my eyes are not falling asleep. :)