Thursday, September 29, 2011

When life gives you lemons..

The picture above has absolutely nothing to do with my post, but I liked it. -shrugs-

So it goes when life gives you lemon...make lemonade right? Well that would take to much fuckin time. Get a cup,squeeze the lemons, fill the cup with water, put sugar in the cup (otherwise you'll have some sour ass water), and stir. Waste time much?  I'd much rather.....

 I know I'm nice right?
I guess I'm just a little irritated. I shouldn't be because I completely understand where they're coming from (and if y'all read this. Here's what I think...) I know I said I wasn't mad, and I'm not mad at y'all just at the situation you're now leaving me in. Try to step in my shoes. I'm by myself. I'm not married, the job I do have doesn't pay all that great. (I know it's a job so stop complaining) My credit is pretty much fucked from my last apt I did have. (which by the way I fucked up the payments with them because I moved in with y'all early) so now I'm left with very limited options here. Those being: Move in with mom (who is getting married today I guess because it's past midnight.) Possibly move in with Dad/and his wife (who live almost an hour away from here and my job and everyone else.) Yeah, that's pretty much all I got. It's funny how when everything starts going semi-decent something always, and I mean ALWAYS finds away to mess it up.
I guess what I don't understand is why would you want to move back into a smaller duplex/apt with limited space and practically no backyard or garage when you have it very nice here. A nice big backyard for the kids to play in (swingset and pool included) a garage to put your cars during our Texas weather. I help pay rent, electric/water (which in return saves some money for you) What's worse is I barely come out of my room. I don't bother y'all. I'm quite content in my room, and you have the whole rest of the house to do whatever. Never once have I complained about having to share a bathroom or the kids screaming or whatever. It doesn't bother me. I'm fine. I was happy, and now you want to ruin it. Family isn't suppose to do that. I guess I should be completely use to it by now though. Huh? Everyone at some point is going to disappointment, and now it's your turn. Thanks for making feel like an idiot for trusting you and believing you would be different then our parents. Mom leaves us back in my middle school years for god only knows. That left you, me, and dad. You get married and have a family. That leaves me and Dad for awhile which was awesome. We did things together we were a family.Then Dad decides being married and having (a psychopathic 2nd wife) is more important, and doesn't want to believe me. That now leaves you and me. Then he divorces a little later and sells our home which I grew to love. That leaves me to go where? Nebraska. That was my only choice. I had to get away from everyone. Be on my own away from the people who emotionally hurt me. (Did you know that about me? I bet not.) I come back a month later realizing that maybe it wasn't the smartest thing to do, and maybe family does mean something to me. (Again, I have myself to blame) Dad finally gets married a third time which isn't bad. He seems happy. I'm happy he's happy. Now I feel like it's you and me in this family. Okay, fine mom is back, and I still have my brother. I think that living with you and your family will help us all financially. Was I not right? Now what? You don't need me, my help. Issues! I have plenty of them and not a one I want.

  I don't think anyone fully understands how I work, how I feel, how totally fucked up things actually are for me, how my mind takes things and twists them, and it sucks. Would I actually tell y'all? No, because that's not me. I feel better writing. Letting my words on here express how I truly feel, and how I truly am. This is why trusting anyone (family) is not a good idea. This is why I keep things to myself. This is why no one truly knows how I feel. (The only people that will ever know are people who have never met me. These are the people I open up to, and if you read this then I hope you know who you are.) Life is a game and I'm merely it's pawn.

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