crying so much my head hurts

Well, the past week or 2 have been some of the worse weeks this year for me. Today, though was THE WORSE I had noticed a few days ago that my dog was "missing" and I thought he had jumped at a window or something. Not something I want to talk about now, but FYI he passed away. I have this feeling  that maybe his seizures he had a few months ago have something to do with it. It's weird though I found out today, and last night I had a dream that he was alive. I was playing with him, and he was happy, fine. Some dream that turned out to be.


Maybe by Sick Puppies-
Maybe I'm a dreamer
Maybe I'm misunderstood
Maybe you're not seeing the side of me you should
Maybe I'm crazy
(Maybe I'm crazy)
Maybe I'm the only one
(Maybe I'm the only one)
Maybe I'm just out of touch
Maybe I've just had enough

Maybe it's time to change
And leave it all behind
I've never been one to walk alone
I've always been scared to try
So why does it feel so wrong
To reach for something more
To wanna live a better life
What am I waiting for?
'Cause nothing stays the same
Maybe it's time to change

Maybe it's hopeless
(Maybe it's hopeless)
Maybe I should just give up
(Maybe I should just give up)
What if I can't trust myself?
What if I just need some help?

Maybe it's time to change
And leave it all behind
I've never been one to walk alone
I've always been scared to try
So why does it feel so wrong
To reach for something more
To wanna live a better life
What am I waiting for?
'Cause nothing stays the same
Maybe it's time to change

And maybe it's time to change
And leave it all behind
I've never been one to walk alone
I've always been scared to try

And maybe it's time to change
And leave it all behind
I've never been one to walk alone
I've always been scared to try
So why does it feel so wrong
To reach for something more
To wanna live a better life
What am I waiting for?
'Cause nothing stays the same
Maybe it's time to change
'Cause nothing stays the same
Maybe it's time to change

I heard this song te other day, and it fit perfect with the way my mood has been lately, and what with all the shit i've been going through . Maybe, a change wouldn't be so bad. California sounds like a really good place to go right now. I have a friend that lives there whose been trying her hardest to get me to live with her. it would definitely be a change. Who knows maybe for the better?

Ashley

Things just seem to get better..NOT!

Seriously, this month keeps getting worse. I'm totally to blame here because I'm the dumbass who apparently thought I had gotten oil put in my car when I got it inspected, but I didn't. The result of this my engine fucking broke or froze over. Now I do not have a car and no money to get a car. So yeah everything sucks right now. I hate the holidays and everything else.  So note to everyone (or perhaps I'm the only retard) CARS apparently need OIL. Make sure you pay attention to the little lights. *growls*

I swear if it's not one thing with me it's another. I guess in a way it's good because no car=no getting stopped by police for outdated stuff and no going to jail for other tickets.

Thank you that is all!

Hush, Hush Becca Fitzpatrick Book Trailer

So...life

I have been in this really bad funk lately (I don't know why) with the way my life, and other stuff is going. I'm not happy with anything. I mean I do like my job. It's just I sit and see the way other peoples lives are going (or not going for that matter) and I wish I could make myself change. I don't want to be stuck somewhere just because it's easy, and it's my "comfort zone." I keep thinking I want to change go back to school (for what I'm not sure) I mean I thought about going back for English because it seems like right now that's what has my attention. You know reading, trying to write that kind of thing.

I just had to type that out. Sorry a small rambling.

Bad days.

I'm telling I'm not having a very good week right now. Let's just start off by saying that Monday I had to work right...well two people call in one that was suppose to work in the morning with me and then one that was suppose to work at night. I'm sorry but I come to work feeling shitty almost all the time. Sides killing me, congested, feeling like I'm going barf. Do I ever call in? No because I know how much of a hassle it is for my co-workers. Don't get me wrong I'm not saying come to work deathly ill, but when you make it a habit to do it. It gets a little old. I'm also sure that unless your husband is dying (he's wasn't by the way) that calling in for that reason is stupid. So let's just say that in itself really pissed me off especially on a Monday in a Pharmacy. So be it that I was already in a bad mood why would someone (our pharmacist) sit there and tell the two of us that showed up that we weren't going fast enough and that he'd rather have his other tech that can "do everything" here. Let me see what's wrong with this picture. One: the tech his refering to isn't as good as he thinks she is she leaves things just like the rest of us do. Two: I DO NOT like being compared to other people or co-workers at all. I'm sorry I do things my way. The way that works best for me not anyone else. I must say it's worked for me for the past 5 years I've done it. Three: DO NOT in any way think after you've treated me like crap for the past 8 hours that I'm going to stick around and help you because you need it. You're right I won't "take one for the team" if after  everything I did do gets put down. Whatever! Maybe I should've stayed and helped, but I was to much in a pissy mood to try and be nice to people and I think I showed.

Then today one of the same people that called in yesterday and was suppose to come in this morning again with me wasn't there when I showed up at 9. Our other pharmacist (god bless her) worked for an hour by herself. The girl called in because she felt bad today had a headache...a headache.. I work with freakin' headaches all the time like yesterday! I know I'm being a little bitchy right now. I'm just tired of it.

Peace, Love, Hate N Whatnot!
Ash

People are idiots!

People are idiots! I know I don't have kids so I shouldn't be concerned really, but it really irritates me to see that some parents don't seem to care that they're putting the childrens lives at risk by some of the things they do. I had a customer today come through the driv thru this morning, and I get over to the window and she has her toddler sitting on her lap in the drivers seat. WTF? Not only that but she's talking on the phone which by now you probably know I can't stand. So she's not really wathcin her kid who is honking the horn and kinda hanging out the window. Then I preceed to give her what she came for and she sets the toddler on the passenger seat no belt, no car seat, and leaves. Really? Sorry had to get that off my chest.

Not any better..

Yeah so remember how I said I hoped today would be better. Yeah, it wasn't I would like to work with people actually capable of doing more than just one thing at a time.  Perhaps telling a customer will be right with you while your doing something else. I don't know I just get so pissed at my co-workers sometimes I guess it doesn't really help though.  They only do the best they can.

So my pups bloodwork came back ok today, which means nothing really caused the seizures.  So the vet diagnosed him as being epileptic (sp). Now he'll be on meds. :(

In better news I'm totally off this weekend so I will be reading if I can, writing (ha my partner in crime told me I had to finish chpt 2 soon) and I'll probably also be doing laundry and helping my brother at his work (I'm such a nice sister I  don't even get paid for it), and that's about it. So I may or may not be writing for a few days. Who knows...

Happy Reading and blogging :)
Ash (AngelicNytmare)

A New Day Please!

Ok so you know how people say tomorrow will be a better day. Yeah, I'm going to have to disagree there because my day today wasn't any better than yesterdays day. Understand? I don't know why yesterday was crappy for me, but it was then again the week has been. I'm thinking maybe going back on my "happy pills" would probably help me.

Ok so customers I'm sorry, but truth be told you're not always right. Showing us a little compassion, or I don't know a little common courteous would really be nice to. If you see that we're trying to help you tell whoever is on the phone just a sec while I check out. I personally don't want to hear your life story or anything else you have to tell your friend. I'm more interested in helping you get what you need and taking care of you then listening to you stand there and talk when you can do that in the car away from me and all my other customers who by the way would like to be helped quickly too.  Also don't come back through my drive thru still on your phone ignoring me while I'm trying to again help you get your meds and be on your way. I really don't talk to hear myself talk. Don't sit there and ask me huh? What? When it's so obvious you weren't listening to begin with. Can you tell I have a low tolerance for talking in lines? I'm not saying I don't do it I always make the person on the other end of line wait until I'm through checking out and away from the lines. Yes, all this because of one person.

That my friends was my day yesterday, and if I thought today was going to be better I was horribly wrong on so many accounts. First of all, it started late late last night. My poor Toby (dog) was having a seizure at like 2 am, and I thought ok I can't really do anything and they usually last a few seconds well he did stop, but come 7am he was shaking on my bed. So I layed him on the ground so he wouldn't fall off and he pretty much was tightened and tensed up until my mom and I took him to the vet which was about 12 or so. I swear to god I was freakin' bawling my eyes out. I felt so bad for him because the was nothing I could do, and so the vet looked over him and kept him there til they closed.  They ran some blood work on him to see if something underlying was causing the seizures.  I'll know that tomorrow. I just hope it's nothing to serious.  I know his just an animal but he's so much more to me than that. I <3 U Toby!

So here's to hoping that tomorrow will be better. *fingers crossed*

Happy Reading and Blogging

Ash (AN)

I now know

Ok so I have been in freakin pain with my sides and stomach since the beginning of August. Yeah I know long time with pain huh? So first of all I hate doctors I don't care what kind they are I hate going to them (I don't actually hate them personally) just the offices and all the other hooplah. So I'm like ok I'll just deal with the pain. It finally got to the point I was like well I might as well go and see what's wrong with me. That was like the second week in August. He just thought it was a some kind of infection I guess and cramps. Well a month passed and needless to say it still hurt (I'm not a very good person when it comes to taking meds like I should) So I went back the end of Septemeber because it seemed to have gotten worse. I don't mean to sound gross here but I then had to go to the bathroom alot and whatever so I ended up going into see if it was a diffrent kind of infection and nothing so he told me to set up an appointmen t with some place that's suppose to I guess do a colonoscopy or whatever and that was set for next week actually and then he tell me what the hell is going on. Well let's just say I don't think I'll be needing that because today at work I literally broke down in tears. This shit hurt like hell I got off at about 545 and went over my moms crying to her. She's like ok let's go to the E.R. So we went. They gave me some pain medicine and then they took me to get a cat scan. Fun stuff! Then sent me back to my room, and there I waited to find out what the hell was wrong. Ready for it......a kidney stone...yeah you saw right a freakin' kidney stone. Then they tell me it'll have to come out on it's own. Well hell...so now I know. I guess it's better then not knowing.

happy reading

Ash

I'm a nerd!

Ok so I offically have and addiction. Books! That's right I would have never guessed that the one thing that I would enjoy spending money on and buying would be books. I never really liked them to be honest while I was growing up. I had to read ones for reports and stuff, but that was pretty much the extent of my reading. I know shame on me. I think the first ones that I really actually enjoyed reading and wanted to finish were the Harry Potter books. I didn't actually start the series until like two or 3 of them had been written and then I borrowed those from my cousin to get caught up. Then after that I went online to some of the book clubs and signed up and ordered some and if I found any that looked remotely interesting to me at Goodwill or somewhere I would get them thus starting my book collection. At that time I mainly just just got Mary Higgins Clark books or books that were mystery/murder like. I did however end up getting the book "The Deep End of the Ocean' and reading that through because a friend told me about it. I was sad for the family in it. Enough about that though I'll write what I thought of the books I've read later on sometime. After that I think I read "Daddy's little girl" and a few others and then I got caught up in the "Twilight Phenom" and read pretty much all those in a course of a couple of months if that. After I had finished those I was like you know this is actually quite relaxing to just sit curled up in a bed or relaxing in the bathtub and reading. Letting your mind wander off into someone elses world to just be free of the "real world" few awhile. After the twilights I found the House of Night series and my Vampire Academy books and I fell in love with them and they still are my fave. Although there are others that run a very tight race with them I just don't think anything to me can compare with them. (more on why I like them some other time) Now I'm a sucker for books. I like the fantasy type books too. Sitting here on the bed  looking up books and their authors. I'm a total nerd I'll sit here and write them down in my little notebook that way I know what to look for, or if I go to half price books, walmart or target I'll look over in the book departments and read the backs or flaps to see what they're about. See told you nerd. Anyways, that is my addiction it's like I tell my mom though I could be spending that money on something much worse soI guess I should be thankful.

.:Welcome to My Wonderful Nitemarish World:.

My first blog. I don't really have alot to say at the moment so I figured I'd make my first blog a "get to know me kind of thing" that way if someone wants to know something they can read.  Why they would want to is beyond me but maybe someday it'll be important.


So if you still reading I shall start. My given name is Ashley J O. I reside in the South. Born and raised in Texas. I did move to Nebraska back in in 2006 or so and was there for a month before moving back down here. I guess it's true what they say there's no place like home. I'm currently 24 born April 4th of 86. I work full time as a Pharmacy Tech at CVS. Been with the company almost 5 years. I have two babies my Kitty, Hermione and My doxie, Toby. In the past year or 2 I've been really into reading. I mostly read the Young Adult books or the fantasy type stuff. My favorite series would have to be the Vampire Academy by Richelle Mead. Although there are some others that run a very tight race with it like The Immortal Series by Alyson Noel, Everynight by Claudia Gray, The Wake Series by Lisa Mccman, Blue Bloods By Melissa Del La Cruz, Vladmir Tod series by Heather brewer, and a few others.  I owe my new found love of reading to the Twilights books though I must admit that. Before that I only read the H.P Books and Mary Higgins Clark and maybe a few others but it would take me forever to finish just 1 book. Now it usually takes me a week or 2.  I'm currently writing (or tryin to write a book with a friend more on that later.) I'm also kind of writing my own stuff. I always start things and then they just kind sit in my notebook or on my computer and that's it. I also love writing poetry at one point in time I did it alot because it was a way for me to vent during my "crappier time" so needless to those aren't to happy. Anyways, I love going to the movies with friends although I don't go as much as I use too, I'm very much a homebody. I'd much rather be at home then out at some club. I also have to admit I spend alot of time with my mom. I love shopping even when I don't have any money. I'm not like a clothes and mall and whatnot shopper. I love walmart shopping. Don't ask why I don't know. Now with my book fetish I love Half Price Books. I could go in there and spend a few hours looking through books and also the cds and movies. I love it it's my addiction. I have a brother Cory who's a manager at family Dollar, a sister n law Christie and 3 adorable nieces Hayley, Karlie, and Lainey.